When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child…
1 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT)
I’m writing about my life with God. Part 1 is my growing up years.
I’ll start with a little about myself, though.
I am the oldest of four. I’m five and seven years older than my brothers and twelve years older than my sister.
My dad was in school for the first six years of my life, and then he became a pastor at the church we began attending.
So, I was a PK (pastor’s kid).
I have very few memories of my life before I became a Christian.
However, from salvation until now, I have come a long way. There have been many twists and turns, ups and downs, and I know they have made me, in part, who I am today.
I will begin with my life before I was saved. Then I’ll tell you how I became a Christian and go from there.
Table of Contents
My Life With God: Growing Up
I can summarize my life with God during my growing-up years as one with lots of church activities and gaining Bible knowledge. I learned about God through Bible stories, memorizing Scripture, and family devotions at home. Later, as a teenager, I began hearing the various doctrines that our church had. Overall, I am thankful for the biblical foundation I received. However, I lacked a sense that God loved me or that I could truly know Him.
Before Salvation
I was born in Boston, Massachusetts, and we lived in a Duplex next to my grandma. She watched me while my dad was in school and my mom worked.
We moved to Dallas when I was two years old and lived there for four years while my dad went to seminary.
I have a few vague memories of my time there. But my parents don’t remember any of them, so I don’t know if the things I remember really happened.
The two things I know are true are my parents recording me singing songs I learned at church and daycare and my mom telling me that I asked Jesus into my heart all the time.
I listened to the tape once and got a kick out of my Texan accent and how spunky and unafraid I seemed. I often wish I still had that tape, but I don’t know what happened to it.
I also don’t remember ever asking Jesus into my heart while living in Dallas.
But I seemed like a happy, well-adjusted child from listening to myself singing and looking at the many pictures my parents took of me. Plus, my mom said I was happy.
But when we moved to Peoria, something changed. I cried every day in first and second grade (I skipped kindergarten because the cut-off date was later).
I don’t remember crying, but my mom and the first-grade teacher confirmed it.
I’m not positive how long we lived in Peoria before I asked Jesus into my heart. But I know I was still young, maybe six or seven.
How I Became a Christian
Child Evangelism Fellowship brought a program to my church on a Sunday evening. I raised my hand when the teacher gave the invitation after telling the story from the Wordless Book. A couple of other children also raised their hands.
I knew I had sinned and remember wanting to go to heaven when I died.
One of the other teachers took us into a back room and led us through a prayer for salvation. I don’t remember what I said, but it was probably something like:
Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me. I know I have sinned and done things I shouldn’t. I believe You died and shed Your blood on the cross for my sins. Please forgive me and come into my heart. Help me to grow and learn more about You. Thank You that I will one day live in heaven with You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
My life didn’t look much different from the outside, but I was born again on the inside. The Holy Spirit came to live inside me, and I began my journey with God.
It has been rocky at times, but Jesus never left me, and He never will.
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My Childhood
Being a pastor’s kid was difficult for me. I didn’t realize how hard it was because it was all I knew.
But being a PK (pastor’s kid) meant older people knew me and talked to me, and I didn’t want them to. Adults scared me, especially older adults.
According to my mom, I was a happy child at home, but I don’t remember that either. I mostly remember being shy and afraid of people.
I am thankful for my Bible background. I still remember Bible verses I memorized in the King James Version and many Bible stories I heard over and over again.
I am grateful to have grown up in a Christian home and learned from an early age about God. I didn’t question what I was taught until much later, and I’ve been fortunate not to have dealt with many temptations that others have faced.
In hindsight, I would say God protected me from so much.
My best friend was a Christian girl in the neighborhood up through fourth grade. She was two years younger than me, so I didn’t see her at school or church. I don’t even know if we went to the same church.
But then we moved.
My neighborhood from fifth grade on was filled with Catholic and unsaved children. As I grew older, I made a few friends at school, but most of my friends were the neighbor kids.
I was introduced to smoking, marijuana, and drinking before I entered high school, but I didn’t try any of them. It’s as if my friends wanted to protect rather than pressure me.
However, the summer before high school, I was sexually abused by an older boy in Ohio while we were visiting family. The boy was my cousin’s friend from church.
I wish I had told my mom right away because when I finally did tell her, she didn’t believe me. My mom’s reaction and the abuse got swept under the rug, and life went on.
My High School Years
From my perspective, the other high school kids saw me as sweet and quiet. Mostly I felt invisible. But the ones who knew me didn’t want me to do the wrong things that they did.
For example, I once said a cuss word while sitting with co-workers, and they told me never to do that again. They weren’t okay with me swearing even though they themselves swore.
I regret that I had no idea how to witness to anyone; I’m not even sure it entered my mind.
I also resented that I wasn’t more popular in my youth group. Everyone knew who I was, but I wasn’t included because of my shyness. Or that’s how I felt.
So, I began to rebel inwardly. I didn’t like or want to go to church, but I kept it all inside.
I began to realize Christians talked a lot about having a relationship with God, but I didn’t have one. I didn’t even understand how it was possible to know God that way; I only knew about Him in my head.
A New Direction
I had a temporary reprieve from my inward rebellion when I went to Jackson Hole, WY with Youth for Christ after my junior year of high school.
After a long, lonely bus ride, a younger boy started talking to me, and so did two other girls. The four of us hung out all week, and it was the best trip I had ever been on.
The Teton mountains gave me a glimpse into the majesty of God, and I thought about Him as Creator for the first time.
At a campfire one night, I rededicated my life to the Lord. I also made a decision to go to Moody Bible Institute. I knew my parents would be happy because it’s where they went and they told me they wanted me to go there.
I remember going back to school my senior year, hoping I was a changed person because of what had happened in Jackson Hole. I wanted to be able to tell someone I was a Christian, but I quickly realized talking about Jesus was too hard.
The only difference was now I was aware that I wasn’t telling anyone. I was still shy and hated that I was such a chicken.
Being at church still wasn’t easy, but everything changed when a boy from church asked me to his Homecoming. I don’t know if he was popular, but he was in the popular group at church. When he mistakenly told people we might get married, everyone was talking about it.
For the first time, kids who didn’t usually speak to me started talking to me. It was exhilarating, and I felt accepted and popular. People were on my side. That year, things started coming together, but then I left for college.
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My College Years
All over again, I felt shy and afraid. Moody felt like school and church all rolled into one, not a place to grow closer to God.
Kids talked about quiet times, prayer, and all kinds of doctrinal issues, but I only knew one girl who seemed to walk the talk.
That is probably unfair, but that’s the way I felt. Everyone else just talked the talk like I did. I still couldn’t imagine what experiencing God would be like, and for my three years at Moody, I never found out.
But I did start dating my now husband and made one lasting friendship. I also took one demanding professor and learned I could do well if I tried. Dr. Mayer taught 1 & 2 Corinthians, and that was my best academic memory at Moody.
Up to this point, I had a ton of Bible knowledge, but I still didn’t know God personally. And I didn’t know how His love felt.
In my third year at Moody, I got engaged. I had one prayer, “Please don’t return, Lord, until I get married and have children.”
That prayer was answered, but not without challenges.
Final Thoughts
This post is part of my personal story.
My growing-up years were when I learned so much about God and who He is. It’s also when I was born again.
I am forever grateful for my biblical foundation and Christian parents who taught me about God’s love and holiness.
My shyness made life difficult in many ways, but God protected me in some unexpected ways. And I can say with confidence, He never left me nor forsook me.
In another post, I will continue sharing about my life with God. It would prove to be the most challenging time of my life.
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